Hi Jackie, My name is Natalie. I am a a Mindfulness Coach (amongst other things). Firstly, well done for having the courage to speak about your situation and for asking for guidance. It takes a lot of courage to speak out and seek help. I do agree with you that you are giving this person mixed messages. We tend to do this when we have feelings of guilt, pity or are reluctant to put up boundaries. We are afraid that our actions will hurt another person so give them the message that we feel that they want, regardless of our own feelings and wants. However, what we don’t realise is that it is only hurting both parties more and prolonging the pain. Your actions are coming from fear which is a negative place to be and will only result in more of the same emotions.

No one wants to hurt someone that we love or care for on a deep level. But what we don’t realise is that sometimes, if we act against our emotions and feelings, our actions will only hurt them more, whilst being detrimental to ourselves and others around us. It turns into a downward spiral and leaves us feeling anxious, guilty and resentful because we are not being true to ourselves. I do believe the best thing here would be to totally step away. By going back to this person, you are only reaffirming to him that his actions and behaviour are a positive influence on your decision. The guilt and resentment that you are feeling is stemming from not listening to yourself and honouring what you feel would be best for you. You may also feel guilty because deep down in your heart you feel that you are not acting in his higher good. To let go of this situation and step back would greatly benefit both of you and your lives.

You need to be totally honest with yourself about what you want here. Sometimes it helps to write this down as it has more confirmation and helps us really acknowledge what we are feeling. Write down:
What outcome you truly want out of this situation?
Why you want it?
When you will achieve it?
What will count to you as a successful outcome?
What do you need to remember?
Who will it benefit in the long run and why?

Once you write this down. Make an intention to yourself to stick to it. Leave it up on your fridge or a place that you will see it every day. This will help you stay on track, remind you why you are doing it and reaffirm all the positive things (if followed) that the outcome will bring.

There are ways that will help you let go of your attachments to this situation and help you work through your emotions and move forward. If you would like help with that, I will be happy to help you free of charge.
Email me on trucolours@hotmail.co.uk OR
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TruHigherVibeLiving
Instagram: Trucolours_on_insta

I hope this helped in some way.

Natalie