Hi Natalie,

Thank you for the advice.

I think I feel guilty because I have been so used to helping him, being the saviour etc. That in itself is operating from a negative place. He had also helped me so I guess I also felt a sense of duty to him. In many ways, it has become codependent.

I think I would be able to let this go if I was able to get his blessing (there have been a few times when I mistakingly thought he had let me go and I felt such a relief), but I realise this is not likely going to happen.

I am also aware that I feel very submissive around him and torn between strong emotions of love and hate (due to feeling trapped). I have read a lot about codependency and how these behaviours can usually be traced back to our parents. I think I have learnt to be submissive through having a dad with a temper/ but who equally was my saviour (I often turned to my dad when I felt my mum didn’t love me). So I learnt that males hold the answer/ the love I seek, and that males are the ones in control.

I feel sorry for this guy friend because I can see how similar we are (in terms of issues with our parents/ low self esteem etc.) Part of me wants to be his friend but I have blurred so many boundaries and I just don’t see a way back. I feel anger and resentment at him for not letting me go (and therefore making it worse). I feel anger and guilt at myself for not handling it better. I feel responsible for this.

Thank you for the email address, I appreciate it.

Jackie