Dear Julie:

In spite of my frustration here, because I have the time this morning, I went back to history of your postings to see if I can learn something new. It is a great opportunity for me to learn, reading a person’s postings over a long period of time, interacting with different people.

First, regarding your hypothyroid condition: I am not a medical doctor, but I read that there is a strong relationships between these two parts of the endocrine system: the thyroid and the adrenal glands, and that long term stress, as what you experienced for many years in your relationships with your mother and siblings, hurts the thyroid. It seems to me that it can be of great health benefit to you to reduce your stress level, heal your adrenal glands function best you can by reducing your stress, and in so doing, your thyroid function may improve.

Regarding your past posts:

April 30, 2014: “for years people told me to walk away from my family, that their nastiness and arguments caused my anxiety, even my GP said this to me but I ignored his advice…I was told by my GP that my family are volatile and nasty people and I had to put distance between me and them, which I should have listened to before things got to the point that their destructive behavior made me ill with anxiety and OCD.”

July 22, 2015: “My husband backs me up 100%, he said my family were toxic, as did my GP. My GP said my anxiety stems from my family and the way they are so abusive and aggressive, but they have always been that way so I guess I thought it was normal…”

I would say that the affects of your family-of-origin, mother and siblings on your health is clearly established here by the summer of 2015.

On July 22, 2015 you wrote: “I fear I will have an anxiety relapse because of my mum cutting me and my children out of her life… She has blocked out her grandchildren, she hasn’t once tried to call or see them, she hasn’t seen them in 4 weeks. It hurts and my anxiety is rife because of it. I have tried to just accept it and think well if my mum feels this is what she has to do then I accept it but I can’t. I spend every day upset she hasn’t called, upset she has cut our my children. It hurts she has cut me out, yet she has never stopped speaking to my brother and sister who caused all of this. That is what hurts the most i think.
On June 23, 2015, you wrote: “My mum has caused me so much pain in my life and I have always forgiven her because yes, she is my mum… she hasn’t behaved as though she loves me, she only visits to see the children and I feel unloved…. My mum is a very ‘chase me’ type person, if you don’t go to her she sulks… She offers me nothing but hurt, resentment, fear… am not going to call her, I won’t chase her, she is trying to manipulate me again..”
On August 27, 2015, you wrote: “She hasn’t been near my children this summer other than a visit with her husband one weekend and then she brought with her 2 of my sisters children unannounced. I have since text her weekly asking her if she is visiting the children that week to be rejected… It hurts me inside, not for me as I am used to feeling rejection from her but I feel torn up inside that she is such a big part of her other grandchildrens lives and mine are tossed aside.… I used to chase her asking why she made no effort, and I’d go to her crying…”

You see, you wrote yourself that you have been chasing her, chasing her to love you directly and then, chasing her to love your children, an extension of you.

Reads to me that indeed, your mother has been a great source of distress to you all your life (you stated so yourself: June 23, 2015: “My mum has caused me so much pain in my life”, August 27, 2015: “She ruined my wedding rehersal by telling my dad to f off infront of the vicar showing me up…When I told her i was pregnant with my son she called me a terrible name, and I was a married woman…”)

And it reads to me that cutting all contact with her will lead to as much healing as would be possible for you.

anita