Dear regijones:

First thought: he started anti-depressants in the last three months. I remember when I first started SSRI antidepressant (Zoloft), I felt better right away. It was as if a pair of scissors cut of every distressing thought/ feeling at its beginning. So overall I felt NOT distressed and it was a great relief. At the beginning, anyway (first few months). How much of it was due to the affects of the SSRI drug and how much was due to the “sugar pill affect” – I don’t know. Also, SSRI antidepressants are very well known for reducing or even eliminating sexual desire.

Regarding his statements which on first glance look contradictory, here is a possible way of understanding them:

“I´m emotionally really unstable right now,” my emotions change and I get confused. Relationships confuse me; this is why often “I just want to be alone.”

I know you love me, I am sorry you are feeling badly. If I say “you´re still my favorite person in the whole world,” will you feel better? What if I say:”“I will always love you”- will that make you feel better? Sometimes I do love you, so it is true, although sometimes I don’t love you. Maybe what it is, is that “I don´t love you in a romantic way.”

Please don’t cry… look, “If I´d be in a relationship with someone, it be you” except you are so far away,“the distance was too much for me.” And no, no- none of this is because you are older than me, “I still find you incredibly sexy!” It is not about you at all, ” I just can´t be in a relationship right now.”

From your description, he is suffering indeed from depression and he has a long way to go to heal. He has to find competent therapy and then persist in the process of healing for many months, maybe a few years of perseverance and commitment to therapy.

When he was willing to move mountains to be with you, he was very motivated. But then the mountain of long distance, for one, was too big of a mountain for him. His anxiety/ depression were a range of mountains to difficult for him to climb. And SSRI drugs, like pairs of scissors, cut off emotions, including motivation (to climb mountains).

Reads to me that this relationship is not at all promising. I wish it was, because that would make you very happy, and you would be looking forward to a new life in New Zealand. Unfortunately, it doesn’t read like possible or plausible anytime in the months or years ahead.

anita