Dear debbie79:

You wrote: “I know the only person that has the answers is him.”- I don’t think he has the answers, not at all. You suggested, I believe, that hindsight is not valuable because you can not bring back time, so what is the use… well, much use, I say because much more.. insight is yet to be developed, on your part.

I am seeing more and more in my daily life, and I can see that you need more insight. I can see it because you think he has the answers.

It is very common for a person feeling weak, dependent, emotionally, to imagine the person you are involved with, especially if it is a man (the stronger gender… I think not), to imagine that the man is stronger, has the answers. So you told him early on about your insecurities, assuming he will take care of you that way. He was loving and patient with you and you relaxed into the relationship, falling hard.

Thing is, at the time he was strong enough to be loving and patient. Then things happened and he was no longer strong. And he is still not strong.

I don’t know about his friend, the woman you mentioned. What her role is in his life.

More of concern, if you are interested in reviving this relationship, is what you do, what role you have in his life. Develop more your insight about being blind to his weakness because of your great need for outside strength, write more about it, if you will. Maybe this will help you to communicate this issue to him in a way where you show him that you are able and willing to share struggles with him, to work on those together, to take care of each other, instead of it being a one-way.

I wonder if at first he felt good about you being emotionally dependent on him, if it made him feel strong. But then, when he was struggling day in and day out, he needed a strong woman.

anita