Dear debbie79:

Truth is, neither one of you is as strong as you would like to be and none of you is as weak as you sometimes often believe you are. If I was to talk with him, I wouldn’t present myself as strong. That would not be believable because of what he already witnessed. I would present myself, if it was true, as one aware that I behaved weaker than I am, that I relied on him for strength, when in reality, there is nothing about the male species (other than muscle mass perhaps) that is stronger than the female species.

I would let him know how I viewed him, me and the relationship in the past and how I view it now. What I learned. I would tell him that changing how you behave, changing how he behaves and changing the nature of the relationship will be a process, with both parties willing. Both of you need to turn to each other for help and comfort. It is not unmanly on his part.

I was wondering, when you cried and told him about every rude comment the friend said to you and he was afraid you will leave him, begging you not to leave him, was that because you threatened to leave him?

I am wondering how much pressure you put on him during the relationship, regarding the friend, regarding his tough time at the new job, fueled by your distress in seeing your (hope for a) rock of a man turned against you, maybe, by the other woman, or seeing him crumble at his new work situation?

Will be back in a few hours.

anita