Good Point Anita –
When everything happened with regard to the best friend, I told him that would not be able to marry him if things continued the way they were going, 🙁 . I told him that I felt like he did not understand where I was coming from & that he did not defend me the way I feel he defends her actions. Let me give you a little background here on this friendship.

My fiancé is the middle child. He has an older brother that was in the military & then of course there is the baby… For a while, his older brother was over seas (7 years) & the younger brother was away at college living in another state with his friend. My fiancé had the run of the house at the time & all attention was on him. About a year into this, his mother told him that it was time for him to be on his own. That he had a good job & he needed to stand on his own two feet. So that is what he did. He moved out of the family home & got an apartment. Right after he moved out, his parents put their family house up for sale & moved away to a different state, leaving my fiancé here by himself. So his whole family was “dissolved” in a matter of a year and a half. During this time, he met this girl, we will call her “Daisy”. Daisy was into the same things my fiancé was such as metal music & playing instruments. They became friends & then were more than friends. I think the relationship lasted a little over a year but according to my fiancé, “Daisy” & him were better as friends and that is how they stayed for many years. “Daisy” became bi-sexual & got involved with this girl & they moved in together. Apparently, “Daisy” did not have a good home life & considered my fiancé as her family. She relied on him for everything. For example, when “Daisy” & her gf were living with “Daisy’s” mother & her mother disowned her & kicked her out, my fiancé told them to come live with him in his house at the facility he worked at until they got on their feet & were able to get a place of their own. So for a few months that is what was going on. “Daisy” & her gf eventually moved out into an apartment together but then they broke up. So “Daisy” ran back to my fiancé and asked to move back in because she had no where to go. So my fiancé, being who he is welcomed her back in. Well “Daisy” & her gf ended up back together & then they all moved back in with my fiancé. So once again, it was a little “Family” for a year or two. Then my fiancé got another promotion at work & had to relocate to another facility… at that point, you would think “Daisy” & her gf would have been on their own or a good time to find a place to live by themselves, NOPE! They moved with him to the new home. And lived there for another two years, up until I met him in the fall of 2015. They finally moved out to their own place in January of 2016 after “Daisy’s” gf said it is time to move on & let him live out his new life with his new girlfriend, me. So I think she kind of had resentment towards me at that point because he was no longer there all the time for her. When “Daisy’s” gf was working or had something to do, my fiancé was with me. I think she thought I was going to be another flavor of the month or a passing phase. But when our relationship took a turn to the more serious side & he proposed, that is when everything went upside down. She would pass comments fir example, she said to my fiancé, “Oh I thought you wanted to get married in a kilt?” & he replied, “I did when I was younger but not anymore” & she was not ok with that answer. She immediately said why are you letting her change you or she doesn’t know you the way I do. There was always constant little digs being thrown at me. For our engagement party, I bought my bridesmaid’s these sterling silver bracelets & he got the guys personalized socks. I told my fiancé that we should get “Daisy” something different & he was adamant that she was to get socks too… I told him, I understand she is on your side of the bridal party but she is STILL IN FACT A FEMALE. He was like, no she is one of us… Here is another example, “Daisy” got hurt on the job. Who would be the first person you call? I know for me it would have been my fiancé, for her it wasn’t. It was MY fiancé! It is like she is jealous of him & I, not because she wants him in a romantic way, but she wants him to be her “person” so to speak. At our engagement party, “Daisy” made a fool of herself in front of all of my family & friends. It was hard trying to explain their friendship to everyone that had never met her before & quite uncomfortable for me to be completely honest. She was grabbing him in the dance floor, constantly taking selfies of herself with him. Being obnoxious & crude… and at the end of the night, when we went to say good bye to her & her gf she completely turned her back to me, kissed my fiancé on the cheek & walked out! I was so upset! I didn’t know it at the time but, my fiancé went after her that night in the parking lot to yell at her for doing that to me. The following day was the first time I brought this up to him. He told me he would take care of it. Now it took him months to say anything to her about it because he doesn’t like confrontation & he doesn’t like to hurt ANYONE’S feelings. He truly does have an amazing heart, however, by doing that, it caused me much hurt & frustration because I felt like he did not have my back as my partner/future husband should have. He finally did say something to her about it & I am not exactly sure when he did this but “Daisy” told him that I need to apologize to her for being rude to her. He never told me this…
Which now brings us to present time, the week before Christmas he asked me if I could reach out to her for him & make amends because there will be a lot of things coming up that we will all be together & he wants us to all get along. That is when I told him about all the hurt I had been holding onto & how I felt. That is when I told him that I cannot marry him if she is standing up there as his “Best Grooms Woman”. I was holding off on saying anything because I know how important his friends are to him & I respect that 110% however, I am going to be your wife, I needed to let go of all this pent up frustration I had with this situation & explain my feelings. That is when he begged me not to leave him. When he basically re-proposed, getting back down on one knee, asking me to marry him again. Telling me that I am his world & he does not want to go a day without me. He told me that day for him it was love at first sight. He knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He told me that he sees me already as his wife & that I am & will always be his #1 priority!

Two weeks later, here we are… him, telling me that he doesn’t feel the same way anymore about me & that he was forcing himself to say those things to make himself believe them. To me, that is not it. It doesn’t feel right to me. When you fall out of love with someone, you don’t want to be with them, let alone around them. You don’t pull them close into you while you are on the couch watching TV or a movie. You don’t reach for their hand while walking through a store. You aren’t intimate with them anymore. You don’t text them every night, even after we see each other, “I love you, sweet dreams”. You don’t text the, EVERY morning when you wake up, “Good Morning Beautiful” then call them on your way to work! Those things would have ended. I would have felt the divide or disconnect.

I am so afraid of losing this man! I don’t know how to make this right! I pray everyday, three, four, five times a day! I am so lost! I can’t eat, I can’t sleep… I have lost over 25 lbs. in two & a half weeks. I feel so out of control & lost. He is my home, my comfort. I want to hear his voice again. I want to taste his kiss. I want to hold him tight in my arms!

I sent him all the invoices to the vendors for the wedding to cancel them because I cannot handle it & I don’t want it to be done… today I got an email from the Limo company asking me to sign this form voiding our contract. I knew it was coming, but none the less it hurt to see it & know that he called them to cancel. I know that the big picture here is not the wedding. I know that as of right now, that ship has sailed… but to give up on us, on our relationship. It just isn’t right! Something doesn’t fit! There is more to this & I want more than anything to fix it… but I don’t know how~