Good morning all!

So I don’t know if I really believe in signs but, I have been praying for strength & clarity in my current relationship situation. This morning I was getting dressed for work & when I opened my closet to get out my clothes, this card fell to my feet. When I picked it up, it was the card my fiancé gave me just this past Christmas, ONE MONTH AGO. I opened it & it read:

Dear Debbie,

It’s actually our 2nd Christmas already. We have another 100 to go! I know every one of them will get more & more amazing each year!

I Love You Baby

I was floored to find that this is what I found at my feet! My heart skipped a beat & I felt even more confused regarding this situation. My mother had come upstairs to my apartment & I told her what happened. She said, you know it is funny you said that. Just yesterday I was cleaning out the hutch & I found the card that he gave us as well & it read:

Dear Mr. & Mrs. ——-
Thank you for welcoming me into you family & allowing me to marry your daughter!

I just don’t understand. Does this sound like someone who was just “going through the motions”? This just doesn’t make any sense to me at all! I know my therapist would not be happy with me right now that I am still putting all of my energy into him & trying to figure it out instead of focusing on myself BUT, I will say this. Instead of breaking down & crying again this morning, I took a deep breathe & kept it moving although this is clearly on my mind.

Anita, can you or anyone else understand where I am coming from & why this is so confusing? Every day I am getting a little stronger. I feel it. I am not walking around crying every second of every day. Don’t get me wrong, I still have my moments. But I think I am doing a little better.

Tomorrow I am going to meet with the Deacon of my church. A week prior to my fiancé’s “break down” we had to take this Pre-Marital Inventory exam. We both take it separately & the church gets the results. Then we were suppose to meet with the Deacon & go over our results. This was suppose to be used as a tool to help us discuss difficult & uncomfortable topics with each other. See where we differ & what we could work on together, as a couple to strengthen our bond & eventually our marriage. I took the same test as my fiancé, just at a different time. The Deacon called me on Monday & set up an appointment with me to go over the results. He said there are def some differences in our answers. I wonder if this could have been the catalyst that helped push him over the edge & made him second guess everything & his feelings. As I have stated before, he is not the best communicator. He holds everything in because he never wants to hurt anyone or let them down. He maybe didn’t want to discuss his fears with me because he didn’t want to hurt me, so instead he ran from them. Obviously, he clearly was overwhelmed with the wedding & all the expenses, & held it in. He was overwhelmed with discussing my feelings towards his best friend & held that in for months too until I pushed him to confront her. He is overwhelmed at his job & is taking everything on because he has to do everything to his best ability. Another one of his traits. He needs to be successful & the best at all he does. I just wish he had spoken with me because I truly feel this whole thing could have been avoided if we had just talked. I feel this is a big miscommunication & now it has escalated into something it def did not need to be! I would have been more than willing to cut back on things that were too expensive. If we needed to postpone the date to be able to save the money or because he had too much going on right now, we could have. Would I have been upset? Of course. This was my dream BUT he means more to me than a single day!

Please share your thoughts!