Anita –
The Deacon told me to come in Thursday to meet with him & he will go over all the results with me. So I am assuming that he will share this all with me. After all, that was the purpose of this “test” to begin with. For us to learn more about each other & discuss the difficult topics with each other. So I am sure he will share my fiancé’s answers with me. I do believe that the whole “Daisy” situation def. effected us in a negative way. There is no doubt in my mind that he was hopeful that we could all get along & there would be no problems connecting his old way of life (her) & his new (me). He did always say to me that he just wants us all to get along. But not everyone has to love everyone. Not everyone sees things the same way. As I expressed to him, I would respect his friendship with her & I would NEVER tell him who he can & cannot be friends with. That is un-expectable & controlling in my mind. Neither him nor I have would ever want to “Control” each other. I will say this though… during the duration of the wedding preparations, he always wanted to be there. Meet with the vendors, be part of the setting up & planning. His mother is the same way… I know that she felt that this wedding was very expensive, in her opinion. I remember at Thanksgiving, sitting with his Aunts & cousins with him talking about the cost of the wedding & they all felt we were insane for spending that kind of money. When we left, he was upset that everyone was voicing their opinions & he said that it was none of their business & he didn’t want to discuss it any more with anyone other than the two of us. That what it cost & what we wanted was OUR business not anyone else’s. I wonder if that got to him as well… Because he is a “people pleaser”, he was doing what his family/friends are telling him oppose to what he really feels.

I come from a big Italian family. We are a very warm & caring family. When we do things, we do them big. I know he had said to me that when he came with me to my cousins wedding in the beginning of May, that made him realize even more that he wanted to marry me & wanted to give me the wedding of my dreams. Do you think that in his mind, he wanted to give me the “Perfect Day” & once the ball was rolling he didn’t know how to get stop it. This could have caused him resentment towards me & our relationship? But because he did not express this to me at the time, there was no way for me to know this & be able to rectify it with him?

You are right, no relationship is ever perfect. And no one should ever have to walk on eggshells to avoid confrontation of hurting your significant other. But that is part of the growth of your relationship, correct? Accepting each others, flaws & all? I can accept that his job is extremely important to him & that it makes him feel good about himself & successful. I want nothing but him to feel good & proud of himself. That is important to me. I can see where his line of thinking would be “All has to be perfect or it is nothing”. How do I get him to realize that it is ok to be less than perfect. No one is & that is ok. We have each other to help us when things feel this way. We can rely on each other for strength when one of us is stronger than the other or when hope seems to be lacking for one us. How can I stress this point to him. Maybe he doesn’t see it this way or cannot let himself think this way. I love him with all my heart. I am willing to endure the struggles & take them on however, I need to know that he wants the same thing & is just as willing to take these things on as I am… that is my fear. That in his distress right now, he cannot see this. He cannot see past the end of his work day… how can I make him look to the future & know that things may be rough right now but not every storm lasts forever, for lack of better words.

As far as email communication, I am concerned that he might misconstrue some of the content. I always thought face to face communication is best. I know that he always preferred to speak with me on the phone oppose to text messages. What is your feelings on that?