Dear Anita,

Thank you for everything you have said. It does make sense to me. And YES, he is a people pleaser as well as a “Debbie-pleaser” as you wrote, BUT I need him to understand that regardless of his flaws, regardless of his imperfections, regardless of the less than perfect relationship or marriage that could have been, I STILL LOVE HIM with every ounce of my being & that doesn’t just go away within a day, a week, a month… these feelings remain whole & intact for me!

Saturday I received a text from him asking me if it would be alright if his roommate drop off my things at my house (engagement party gifts, wedding band & cash). I was on the phone with my therapist when I received this text. He advised me to ask him what time his roommate would be coming to drop the items off & make sure I am not around when they come. He said the last thing I need is to see her & for her to see me & the state I am in. So I text him back asking what time would she be coming & he replied, whatever works best for me. That she was available all day. With that, his roommate text me. She said that she hoped I was ok & that she was sorry she didn’t reach out but she felt it was best not to get in the middle of the situation. She asked me when she could drop the things off to me because she didn’t want to leave them outside because there was the diamond band & cash. I text her back simply stating, I am not going to be home today. My parents will be home around 12:30 so she can drop it off then & they could receive it.

I made sure I was out of the house & gave my mom instructions to keep it short & sweet, get my things & leave it alone. I told her to call me once she left. So around 1:15 I got the call from my mother that the roommate had just left & she was not leaving without talking to my mom. It was like she wanted answers.

She told my mother that she was so sorry for everything & what had happened & asked if I was ok. My mom just shrugged her shoulders & told her she is doing the best she can under these circumstances. The roommate then said she was very worried about me & wanted to reach out but felt awkward due to the situation. Plus my fiancé had asked her to wait a little longer until the “dust had settled some”. She told my mother that none of them (meaning all of my fiancés friends) saw this coming. They were all in shock. She said that he has been really out of it & just not himself. She said that Thursday, 1/12/17, when everything first occurred, when he got home from work he broke down crying & having a break down. She asked him what was wrong & that he said he is beyond stressed with everything & he was now having doubts about the marriage. She told him that he needed to talk to me about everything. She told him that he needs to be an adult & not prolong this if he is having these doubts, to TALK TO ME! So that was what she thought was going to happen that day when I came over to see him, NOT that he was going to end everything with me. She said not to bring up any sore subjects but even “Daisy” was shocked by this whole thing. That literally three weeks ago he tore into her about disrespecting me & how much he loved me & that she can no longer be in the wedding because she did not support us a couple. She said that her & “Daisy” as well as all of his other friends have NEVER seen him like this & most of them have been friends with him for 17+ years! My mother just said, well I will tell you this, he will NEVER find anyone who loves him as much as she did & he didn’t just hurt her, he hurt a lot of people. The roommate said she knows & saw the love first hand. She said that she told him that he needs to stop talking with everyone about this & talk to the one person that this involves, DEBBIE.

It gave me a little piece if mind knowing that he is not ok or still not himself. It made me feel better that he is hurting as well & not relieved or glad to be rid of me. I guess it still gives me hope, for lack of a better phrase, as stupid as that may sound.

Today, I am not doing so well. This weekend I angry because I felt that he sent his roommate because he was too cowardly to face me because of what he did. It got me through the weekend until today… I am blue. I want to just reach out to him! I want to shake him! Lay everything out on the line. I want to tell him that I love him for everything he is, not everything he thinks he needs to be or provide for me as a man. I don’t care about those things, That yes, I got carried away with the big wedding and as you out it, “Happily Ever After” fairytale. But I am a girl & it is natural for me to have those feelings. Yes, my insecurities may have played a role on him thinking that I am too dependent on him BUT these are not things to run from & give up on when times are tough & stressful. These are the times we need to grasp these issues & work on them. Work to see if there is resolution…

If what his roommate says is true & he is still not himself, then I know this is probably not the best time to say all these things to him. I understand that he needs to work on himself right now to fix whatever it is he is going through. But everyday that goes by, every minute that ticks on, my love for him remains the same, the pain grows & it gets harder to stay away from him…

Does that make sense?