Dear Debbie:

Look at this:

In your last post you wrote: “She (the roommate) said that Thursday, 1/12/17, when everything first occurred, when he got home from work he broke down crying & having a break down. She asked him what was wrong & that he said he is beyond stressed with everything & he was now having doubts about the marriage. She told him that he needed to talk to me about everything.”

In your original post, you described the conversation you had with him that same day, I believe, that Thursday: “I asked him if he wanted me to come over & he said he was so tired, then passed a comment to me, ‘see I can’t even give our relationship any time… I don’t know if I can do this anymore’. I panicked! I asked him if he was breaking up with me & he said, I don’t know… When I got there (his house) he met me at the door. He looked beyond defeated & upset. We went to talk & all he could get was I can’t do this anymore. I am at my breaking point. I can’t handle another thing at work…I can’t give our relationship the time it needs, I can’t give you what you deserve. I can’t even get excited about the wedding because it is stressing me out. I don’t know how I am going to be able to pay for it… I just can’t do this anymore. I asked him, don’t you love me anymore? He said yes, of course I Love you but I can’t do this anymore. So I asked him are you breaking up with me? He replied, I just can’t do this, you aren’t listening to me. Again I asked him, ARE you breaking up with me? Again he replied with you don’t understand, I just can’t do it anymore. So for a third time I said, ARE YOU ENDING THIS? He shook his head yes, then muttered out the word YES.”

Do you see that you are the one initiating the breakup of the relationship, not him? Do you see that you pressured him- while he was at a breaking point, very distressed, to end the relationship and he complied?

anita