Dear desmondred:

The first and easiest knot I see to untie is this: you have been spending too much time with your girlfriend- way too much time for a healthy relationship to be possible. No doubt in my mind, you need time for yourself.

Second knot: you stated that you are abusive to your girlfriend, that you have been abusive and that you are staying with her, because you damaged her and the least you should do is fix the damage- this logic makes no sense, because the last person to heal an abused person is the abuser.

So, if you and her, if the two of you believe that you have been abusive to her, and still are at times, then end the relationship and allow her to be healed by someone else, a competent psychotherapist.

Also, in this relationship, your role has been established, you are The Abuser. Her role has been established, she is The Abused. And so, this relationship is incongruent with your own healing. You need to be free from that role!

Third knot: the lying and lashing out, those are your mental habits. Habits are hard to break. It will take will and practice, over time, to consistently and successfully replace these habits. You already started this practice.

anita