Peter,

I was beginning to loose ‘faith’ that I would get an answer with understanding to what I was trying to ask. I thought “well they’re thinking I’m asking a very surface-y question”. So I’m grateful you responded.
In reading your response I had a lot of “that makes sense” or “I kinda knew that” but doubted myself.
I’ve heard about the movie Collateral Beauty with Will Smith right? I should check it out for a visual insight. And those books you recommended I will absolutely check out, I always love a good read especially if it can help answer questions, or give me a different perspective on topics about life, love, etc. I also appreciate the analogy with mother Theresa. And you made a valid point with “Fear is to courage as doubt is to faith”. It’s Something to keep in mind. Hell, to post in my apartment somewhere as a reminder!
I was raised in a world where you question everything, and it was meant as a method of protection, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed it can sometimes have the opposite outcome. Which is why sometimes I’m on the right track but boom I question it!
I think you have a point on Redefining and truly understanding what faith is to me. Not putting this immense pressure on it. Just going with it. I’m sorry I probably sound scattered, just writing as I think, as I reread what you wrote. What I can say, is that I have every reason to have faith, we all have back stories and mine definitely although tough, screams “have faith”. And I don’t believe in a one kind/type of god, or entity. But I do believe in something much bigger than me. I believe in the beauty of this world even though it can seem ugly. I live in a studio apartment that I was blessed that it has a decent size roof that I use to mediate and I can see the beach from there, and I couldn’t tell you the amount of time I’ve spent there writing and feeling whatever I’m meant to. And I’m thankful that after such a long time of kinda going through the motions of a mundane life, I am now curious and thirst for knowledge. I just want to keep growing and understanding. I don’t ever want past experiences to taint me from the beauty of life and faith, as I’ve seen it do that to so many people that I love.
Thank you again Peter, I enjoyed your reading your perspective. Thanks for the recommendations. And thanks for seeing my post as more than a “how can i get a man” kind of thing 🙂