Dear Harry:

You are welcome. Your understanding articulated in your last post makes sense to me.

In your original post you described yourself as “a largely independent person.” I think it is important for you to be emotionally independent, not dependent on another who may hurt you, not at the mercy of a woman who will have the power to hurt and devastate you.

I think you became numb and lost your infatuation with her as a way to protect yourself from potential harm and that happened automatically, without a conscious choice. But underneath, you still desire a relationship with her, and this is why you’ve been thinking about her so much.

What to do? Take it slowly, one little step at a time- what other way is there to approach a scary situation? Take one step and see how that feels, take a break, relax, then take another small step. Talk with others about your feelings, post here, if it helps. Better yet, talk with her, get to know her and share how you feel with her. If she has empathy for you and comforts you, then your fear about her will lessen.

anita