Hi Anita –

Sorry I have not gotten back to this site sooner… So last I communicated with you was a week ago Monday. I actually text him Wednesday morning asking if we could talk. He replied with, “I’ll call you later tonight”. I wrote him back saying, “I would rather do it face to face please”, & he responded with, “I’ll call you later”. So I took that & let it be. That night around 9:30 he called me. I answered the phone calmly & he was cold. He said to me, “You wanted to talk…”, so coldly, like I have meant nothing to him. Like we were never engaged to be married or had an ENTIRE wedding planned out & basically paid for!! So, I calmly said to him, well it has been a month now since we last talked & I was worried about you. I wasn’t ok, you weren’t ok, I just wanted to know how you were doing. He said, “yeah well a lot of people were worried about me. I am actually doing good. Things are still crazy at work, still working everyday but, I am doing good.” I was like ok… I said I was totally caught off guard & was blindsided. I said you told me that your feelings have changed, how long were you feeling like this. He said, “Oh I guess months now…”. I was like months? He said, “Yeah well I suck at communication & that is probably why I will be single for the rest of my life, but I am working on it.” I couldn’t believe what he was saying to me! When I tell you that there were no signs Anita, I swear, I am not lying or making this all up! I asked him was there something I that I did or something I said that made him feel this way or have this sudden change of heart & all he could say to me was, “Well you’re pushy”… That was what I got!

It felt like he was trying to convince himself that he did the right thing or that he doesn’t love me. It is like he is blocking everything out of his life because he handle it all! It makes me so upset & sad. I don’t know if what he is saying to me is really true or he is just saying things because he is spooked & can’t handle it all. It didn’t even sound like him while I was talking with him… like he was a stranger to me. Like he wanted to be doing everything else other than talking with me, the woman he asked to marry him & the woman he told EVERYDAY that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with!

He told me that the week before he was in the hospital. He had stomach pains & went to the ER. He said all of a sudden they told him that he had appendicitis & was going in for surgery. He said that once they opened him up they found out he had a hernia ass well & they repaired that. He said he was out of work & didn’t even tell his job why he was out. I asked him why he didn’t say anything to his job & his response was, “I am on probation for 12 months & I need to prove that I cam handle this position. I didn’t want them to think badly of me.” My reaction to that was, this is your health! It’s not like you are just taking vacation & not coming into work”. He replied with, “well they found out & told me to get better so that I can return to the job. This is what I mean when I am poor at communication. I didn’t even tell my job what was going on. I can’t even communicate with my parents”.

I seriously don’t know what to do/say anymore. Do I completely let go? People tell me to follow my heart… My heart says to fight for him. Be there for him… support him, not give up! I just don’t know what to do! Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. I had to take the day off because I was a mess all Monday night, uncontrollably crying. I was up all night just sobbing & trying to talk myself off the ledge I was on. It is getting worse. I don’t feel that I am any better off than I was when this first happened.

I have moments of anger. I have moments of sadness… Please help me! Should I write him? Should I let it go… I am desperate!