Dear caliber2008:

* Please do not use the f word (any profanity) on this website. It is against the sharing guidelines posted (under Forums, last on that page).

You wrote: “we both are hard headed and either one of us wants to admit that we are wrong.” When you wanted to get back together with her, you “just told her everything is my fault and I’m sorry for ruining this.”

This is a serious problem- the responsibility issue. If she refuses to take responsibility for being wrong, and never does, and to make up to her you have to “admit” all wrong was and is yours, then you are in trouble.

You are responsible to your own behavior, not to her. You are not responsible for her starting an argument, fighting, displaying aggression and having sex with another guy. You are only responsible to you starting arguments, etc.

The two of you are parents and your daughter is and will be suffering for this dysfunctional relationship. For the girl’s sake, as well as for your own, best if you and your girlfriend attend competent couple psychotherapy where the two of you will be taught (top priority in the therapy) how to peacefully communicate with each other, not aggressively but with EAR (Empathy, Assertiveness and Respect).

Part of the therapy will be about you grieving this sexual betrayal you experienced.

It will take time for you to grieve this betrayal. For now, help yourself emotionally by doing such things as daily aerobic and/ or other exercise, calming music, some creative outlet.

anita