Dear Fenrir:

Our biology is built around the principle of keeping the sameness going (homeostasis), for example, keeping the same body temperature, the same blood glucose concentration… and the same base-feeling. So if you are used to feeling unhappy, the brain wants to continue the same.

It is sort of a mental habit, to feel unhappy, to worry, to feel anxious, to look for signs of danger instead of relaxing. The good news is you can change mental habits slowly, gradually.

Regarding your trouble believing “that someone so amazing could actually love me”- here is a point: there are men out there, who if they were in a relationship with your girlfriend, will not think she is amazing. I am sure she is amazing, but they wouldn’t SEE it.

The fact that you see that she is amazing and she knows that when you look at her, when you talk to her, you see and talk to someone amazing, my goodness, that must make her feel good. And so, this is something you already give her, that amazing feeling of being seen as amazing!

anita