Hi Anita,

Thank you for reading my post and your response. I really appreciate it.

I understand your comments. I was tormented by this and often over the past 18months have said to him that I am not his reality. He refuses to see this.

I said to him recently when we talked about the past that I consider he had been in a relationship with her until 6 weeks ago (when he finally decided he can commit to me). He doesn’t accept this view point at all. This hurts and I still want to work for him to understand this is how it was for me.

I want to move forward though. I can’t change the past. I want to forgive and build a future – I think. Well I do if it is possible to move past all that happened. I need to learn to trust him and let go of bitterness and resentment. Any advice? Whatever happens I don’t want to hold on to pain and let all this affect my ability to be open to love.

If we are to move forward and build a life together I know I will need to trust that he is in a relationship with me and only me. How do I manage all these feelings from the past? He still maintains that he will always want his ex in his life, they have a “deep bond”. I don’t believe in telling people who they can and can’t be friends with, and I don’t even necessarily think they can’t be friends. But this past period has been awful and I really need him to take responsibility for how his relationship with his ex affected us. And it absolutely cannot continue to do so. It would feel wrong of me to just say I don’t want them to be friends. But there do need to be boundaries and I need me feelings to be taken into account. I don’t know how to approach this!