Dear Johannah7:

You wrote: “often over the past 18 months have said to him that I am not his REALITY. He refuses to see this. ”

In the word “Confused” (in the title of your thread) there is a “fusion” of two (“co”) realities, his and yours, and so you are confused. But there is only ONE reality regarding the relationship between you and him. If you see it, you will no longer be confused.

You wrote toward the end of your original post: “he had spent Xmas with his ex (when we were together)…he went out with her and didn’t tell me. I understand when he said he didn’t feel he could tell me because he was worried about my reaction but I just am so hurt that that happened.”

Reality is that his relationship with you is not Monogamous. He has been dating two women, you and the other woman. He didn’t tell you that he planned on going out on a date with her, it still doesn’t change the reality that he did go on a date with her. He said he was worried about your reaction- that too does not change the reality that he went on a date with her. He may tell you he doesn’t call it “a date”- that too, does not change the fact that he went out on a date with her.

You are waiting for him to clear your confusion, but he is not going to. You have your brain to do the job, to clear the confusion and see what is real.

In your last post you wrote: ” if it is possible to move past all that happened.”- it is not possible to move past what happened when it keeps happening. He is still intent on dating a second woman.

You wrote: “I need to learn to trust him”- you can trust him to be in a relationship with you, but not a monogamous relationship. He has and intends to date/ be in a relationship with another woman as well as you.

You wrote: “He still maintains that he will always want his ex in his life, they have a “deep bond”. I don’t believe in telling people who they can and can’t be friends with”-

If you are interested in a relationship with him as it is, you have to accept the fact that he is dating another woman and intends to continue, so you have to share him with another woman. Are you able and willing?

For the other woman to be his friend, not a girlfriend, he needs to introduce her to you: “Johannah7, this is my friend X. X, this is my girlfriend Johannah7”

Following the introduction, he will see X together with you, not apart. He will not go on dates with her (just him and her, without you). She will visit you and him in your home, or you will visit her with him, at her place, or the three of you will go out together.

The reason you are confused when you listen to him, is that what he tells you is not making sense, it is not true to reality. See it for yourself.

anita