Hi Hawk00073,

Thank you for your response. I am very sorry to hear you have been through a similar painful situation but it is wonderful to hear you got through things and life is better for your now. Life as it is now (and has been) is certainly not how I want to live.

Your views are very interesting as they sound similar to what some people close to me have said. Very early on in these troubles a close friend said she felt compelled to sound the alarm because the relationship sounded coercive. My Mother “lost it” when I told her I was in contact with him again, this has put a huge strain on my relationship with her and also with him. My Mother is not always the best gauge however, as she lives with a lot of her own baggage about men and doesn’t always act in a loving way toward me. However, I am aware that people close to me will not see the whole picture and look at it from a “my side”. Sometimes it’s comforting to hear people being protective and validating your feelings of “screw him, what an a**hole”, but it isn’t always the best support you really need. I’m certainly guilty of expressing the hurt and “bad stuff” to people and not the good with the relationship – although it’s hard when so much of the time I have felt awful.

You have read my story and come to some similar conclusions as people close to me, which is very interesting. I cannot help but wonder how much I have influenced this by my narrative. Is what I have written another way of me seeking out validation for MY story, and ignoring his? Is the fact that Anita’s first reactions were ones I had felt, and yours so closely aligned with my Mother and friend, a sign that I am refusing to waiver from my perspective (and so not open to understanding and seeing things from his point of view too)? All this torments me as I cannot feel solid in my feelings. It all seems so muddled.