Hello,

When you were a child, the people you most depended on let you down repeatedly. For you, that is life’s pattern, so when things are going well, at a new school/church/neighbourhood, subconsciously you are waiting for signs of it all crumbling. The first sign of disappointment inflates into what looks like an incipient crisis so you throw in the towel, before anyone else gets the chance to hurt you again.

These are very deep rooted issues. Another new school/job/neighbourhood won’t change this. Only working on yourself will – that generally means psychotherapy/cognitive behavioural therapy. Anita is right, healing takes a long time. You start by improving your relationship with yourself (this doesn’t mean being self-indulgent, but listening to and respecting your own emotions.) Then start work on just one or two relationships. You’ve got a dog. That’s great. I know this is going to sound odd but even being mindful of your relationship with the dog and actively appreciating it will help with the healing process. Pull gratitude into your life. Try reading The Tools by Phil Stutz and Barry Michels, especially the Gratitude Flow. Write down three things every night that you are grateful for: really small things as well as big things, such as:
the Sun
clean socks
a song you heard on the radio

This will help shift the darkness in the short term.
Oh and as for your birthday, mine’s on Wednesday and I’m spending it without even a dog. And that doesn’t worry me at all.

Painterly