Dear hungryhamster:

Almost always, what happens in a relationship is a result of the input of the two participants in a relationship. Let’s look at your participation: you chose to talk to him, in a form of a speech, a one way output of words, about a difficult topic: the difficulties you experienced in the relationship. You chose to do so when he was tired, after work. Wrong timing and not a good idea to give a speech. Better say something and ask or wait for his response, and accordingly, continue or postpone the topic for another time.

Let’s look at his part: he was not willing to have a conversation about difficulties in the relationship. One cannot have a healthy, workable relationship without talking about it. He told you that “he thought about it for a while” before the breakup, but he didn’t tell you about it.

His unwillingness to communicate BEFORE, during and AFTER the breakup is a BIG problem that he is responsible for. Without his willingness, a healthy relationship is not possible.

But there is more. He later wrote to you: ”I just mentioned I was wondering about breaking up. I didn´t mean it”- This tells me of dishonesty on his part. If he didn’t mean it, why did he say it? Was he trying to stop you from giving him the speech- if so- the honest and direct way to do it was to say: I don’t want you to give me a speech!

He said that he thought about breaking up with you before, so he had an intention there. Maybe he tried to manipulate you to beg him, to scare you so to make you passive and accommodating to him, out of fear of a breakup.

When he wrote: “It´s too late. I don´t want to talk about it anymore.”… that is almost cruel. Why? Because if it was too late for him, why did he say right before that: “” I just mentioned I was wondering about breaking up. I didn´t mean it.”

When he said he didn’t mean it, he invited you to reach out to him- only to reject you once again.

hungryhamster, I don’t like this guy- I think he was not honest and he was manipulative.

The title of your thread is: “What are my chances to get him back?”- I am ready with an answer: I believe that your chances are high-enough IF you beg him, if you promise him that you will never question him, or talk about any difficulty you have in a relationship with him; if you don’t talk (speech OR conversation).

But I do hope that you will choose to NOT beg. I sure hope you will not.

anita