Dear littleme29:

His use of alcohol (getting “absolutely hammered with whatever he can”) and his use of cocaine are very troubling.

You wrote that he supports you financially and you don’t want to bring up topics of distress, for you, in fear of appearing ungrateful. But the way things are going, you will not be in this relationship much longer, so better bring up these topics.

Bring up topics in as calm a way as is possible for you. He prefers to go out with friends instead of staying home with you, probably, I am guessing, because he likes to get hammered and use cocaine with his friends, being out and about. His work schedule and social life is congruent with using cocaine, isn’t it, to keep his activity level up with less sleep…?

Arguing and fighting with him will not work, as he is already distressed and his alcohol and cocaine use are and will be causing him more distress. But you have very valid concerns and you do need to assert yourself with him, as peacefully as you can, but strongly and effectively.

Your anxiety is worsened in this relationship, as it is. And so, it is not good for you. As to your question: “Why am I angry at my boyfriend?”-

Because he is no longer the boyfriend you fell in love with, the one who preferred your company, the one (I am guessing) who didn’t get hammered and got high on cocaine the way he is now, behaviors that take him farther and farther away from you in every way.

Am I correct?

anita