Dear saskia:

You are welcome. I knew I didn’t need to or want to have children in my twenties, thirties, forties, and now in my fifties. I figured, if I was every to raise a child, it would be someone who already had the misfortune of being here (adoption of a young child). Life as I knew it was too painful to consider bringing a person into it.

I re-read your original post. You wrote that there was, in the relationship,”a lack of emotional intimacy. I sometimes felt I couldn’t ‘reach’ her or if there was anything to reach.” You wrote that she told you that she partly gave up having children before the relationship. Even the issue of children wasn’t talked about. Reads to me that the communication was very limited.

I didn’t understand the last part of your recent post: “I think my main issue is appearances. Why couldn’t I have been ‘proper’, to give the ‘right’ news to our friends etc that we are moving forward as a couple should? This has been a lifelong issue of mine.”- would you like to explain it to me?

* And congratulations for coming out!

anita