Dear Rachel Kovacs:

It is unfortunate for your teenage children, although it …would have been worse, I suppose, if they were younger. The plan for the future, the medical facility, is a good plan. In the meantime, notice her behavior, if she becomes violent, then removing her from your home immediately must be done.

Otherwise, if she is not physically violent, and is “only” making everyone’s life miserable, what can you do “to protect everyone”?

I have no experience with dementia patients. Maybe someone with experience can help, maybe there is a support group, online or otherwise, for people living with a dementia sufferer where you can get ideas.

And maybe a way to help everyone is in the verb “parenting a parent”- responding with reasonable negative consequences when she talks disrespectfully to others, and positive consequences if she talks respectfully to others.

Another idea: you mentioned her grief over her husband death. She may be experiencing fear not having him in her life anymore, and maybe (I am speculating) that fear translates to anger. If you place a large photo of her husband in her room and an item that he gave her as a gift, or an item that belonged to him, preferably something soft to the touch, by his photo, maybe that will comfort her when anxious and so, reduce her anger.

anita