Dear A:

In your last post you wrote: “He stated that he could see us getting Married”- you meant “he stated that he could NOT see us married”. You missed the “not”, correct?

From your second post, I understand that you did not pressure him but was gentle with him and it was he who insisted that he was not ready for a committed relationship, and felt quite strongly about it (“it is how I feel”, stated over and over).

I re-read your original post in light of the second. You read to me like a very reasonable woman, that you were patient and gentle with him, you had him see your mutual therapist… you did everything you could to make the beginning of a committed relationship possible.

And when he strongly declined, said his NO, you did the right thing cutting contact, to make it possible for you to heal.

The title of your thread is “How to Love and Let Go?”- love is an emotional attachment. Letting go is withdrawing from that attachment. I would say then, that letting go means weakening that attachment to him, but not giving up on love. It can’t be with him, but it can be with someone else, later, when you are ready.

If I was single again, what I would do before getting involved with a man, is sort of interview the man repeatedly so to determine best I can if he is willing and able to have a committed, healthy relationship. Prevent this kind of pain…

I don’t know if this is the support you need, I hope so. Please do post again.

anita