Dear Danielle:

Reads to me, clearly, that you should “forgive (your) boyfriend and stay”- and not move on IF you can stop make him suffer over your OCD.

And this is key: your OCD makes you suffer, a lot, and this is unfortunate. I have suffered from OCD for decades and know the suffering. I wish OCD was not in your life experience, but it is.

First thing you need to do, I believe, in your quest to forgive him and stay in the relationship, if this is your choice, is to stop causing him to suffer because of your OCD. This is your personal responsibility in the relationship. It takes self discipline: enduring your distress (no matter how great) without lashing out at him, calling him names, accusing him again and again for a non-existing issue, and so on.

It will take you paying attention to your distress, to your compulsion, urge to express it to him via abuse, and then NOT do that.

Competent psychotherapy can help you a lot with Mindfulness (the paying attention to how you feel before you react), and Emotional Regulation (so to not automatically react abusively or otherwise, ineffectively to your distress).

Thoughts/ feelings?

anita