Dear mapnerd:

The best place to change your neuropathways (a gradual process, incremental, bit by bit, over time) is in competent psychotherapy. Otherwise, anywhere where you can safely express those feelings of childhood. These feelings, so intense, that sorrow you refer to, to lose its intensity, it needs to be acknowledged, seen, revealed.

It is as if you have a young child inside of you who is so very sad, but she is locked in a room. She wants someone to hear her, to help her so she keeps crying and crying. Sometimes you hear her (recently, when getting together with your ex) but you don’t know it is her, you don’t know where the crying is coming from. So you are not able to free the child from her locked room.

To find her, to unlock the door, to take her into your arms and let her see you seeing her tears, to comfort her- you need to locate her.

The child, the young girl in you is hurt, and sad and scared.

When you think of your childhood, of your experience of being that girl, alone, scared- do you feel anything or are you numb?

anita