I think they were worthy of commitment but that he obviously has a problem with that. While his last relationship was 7 years long so was mine…we had both said that in the end we didnt love those people and that was the problem. In the beginning i couldnt have known that he just was saying words but not serious. He said we would get married and have kids…it was just stuff he said to make himself feel good and me i guess. There was no intent behind it. I dont doubt that he loved me then but he seems to struggle with what he aught to feel about women.

It could be that he doesnt feel as strongly about this woman but that he just wants peace and looking after by a mother. I was at his house and he wanted me to help with his laundry..i told him to get his new girlfriend to do it as he always complained to me about things like that (even though i did it). He told me it was ok because she was a mum she would be used to doing all those things…i dont think she knows what she is getting herself into. but maybe she is ok with that too, and doesnt need marriage….its just i dont know any woman who DOESNT want commitment. We all want to feel like we are goddesses that no one could leave.

I think i was worthy of commitment, i am. Its just bad luck stories always for me, one reason and then another of why things dont work out. With my last boyfriend it was that i fell out of love with him and his lack of ambition, drive or interest..it just fizzed out slowly and awfully. I took those 5 years to get over what was not meant to be anyway. This time i really loved the person.

After a holiday he had come back to me with a ring and i remember at the time i was so excited thinking he would propose (he had called me his wife after all, said he was my husband in emails) but it wasnt an engagement. We argued a lot about it, he said it was a “promise” ring, he felt i was ungrateful. That ring became a symbol of my disappointment, i wore it, then i didnt..i gave it back to him in an argument in the car and he threw it out the window. Later he would tell me that he expected me to propose to him, he asked me to give him a surfboard as a commitment (i know that sounds ridiculous) and i couldnt afford one. I felt like he was toying with me, putting obstacles in the way. But he would use that argument against me and say i could have if i really wanted to. By then i was already so tied to him it didnt matter, i wanted to be with him.