Hi Anita,  I know it doesnt seem reasonable or rational..but i know im no saint either. I have been obsessive, when i want answers i find it impossible to stop trying, a mystery is irresistable to me and he was always that way, never quite communicating what he thought. I guess it was deluded but i was in love.

I keep hanging onto each day, just trying to find something pretty in it. When i commit to something or become loyal, it seems its almost unshakeable….which means i gets taken advantage of by others who dont see what the big deal is..I guess they would say lighten up but when in that mindset i just dont see, i get really hurt.

What all this really means to me..is that the marriage, the kids doesnt mean as much to me really as the commitment in return, real passion..and here was a man who just cant be that person, no matter how it seemed. It hurts a lot, he may have lost me my chance to have a family but i feel like i am slowly letting it go..i have to for my sanity. Despite the deep bonds, i dont jump straight into the next person’s bed..i guess realising it might be years was just too sad.

Thank you for helping me through this..despite having friends to support me and family, i just was looking for these “answers” everywhere and you have really helped me.