Dear Csaba:

Without prior knowledge about your life, looking at this thread only, it reads like you have an awesome family, awesome friends, had perhaps, an awesome life until six months ago (that would be since September 2016) when you started this job. Your life changed since then so drastically that you have been considering suicide.

I went back to your previous thread from September  7, 2016, posted before you started this job, or just about the same time. There you wrote:

“Whenever I’m starting to get to know someone a little ‘stress’ appears in me… the more I get to know a girl the more this stress grows until the point where I cant bear it anymore and I break contact with the girl. This happened every freakin time..I visited multiple psychologists in the past years…As a child I was…  against touching however, I never kissed my mother untill I was 18… My mother was he one who taught me how to ‘feel’ it was hard for me, for the first 20 years I never dared to have many feelings… During my teen years… I didnt like my life.”

I am thinking that the stress you are currently experiencing is the same “little stress” you mentioned in September, only it is a bigger-stress now. And I am thinking the stress has to do with this sentence: “My mother was the one who taught me how to ‘feel”. It was hard for me, for the first 20 years I never dared to have many feelings”-

If you shine light on your own sentence, which I quoted above, you will find answers, including to the question: “What is there to live for?” (title of your current thread).

If you’d like, you can do it here, on this thread.

anita