Anita,

Yes, I know you are right but it’s very helpful hearing it. There are few times I feel like my pain stems from really missing him – of course I miss the companionship and affection, but usually I am thinking about myself, and how I feel rejection, jealously, fear, or vulnerability from the situation. The obsession and total shut down of rationality rarely thinks about how much I miss him as a person but instead exaggerates insecurities and a lack of control I feel over my own thoughts. I did start therapy a few weeks ago, but I’m not totally sure if it is actually a form of psychotherapy. I kbnow it is based on gestalt and mindfulness practice. The overwhelming sensation that I feel is this need to have his love, to know he still loves me, to feel like I always did with him. After seeing him again I feel like that had changed, that he’s more at peace with not being together than I am. That’s where this cloud of sadness comes from and I don’t know how to escape that.