Dear Wendy:

You are welcome. I don’t have the details about the behavior you are referring to by this female family member (not a parent of a child)- but if she is feeling and expressing anger toward her parents who neglected her, then her anger is understandable and natural and is okay for her to feel and express toward her parents. Because they really did neglect her and in so doing, mistreated her.

And it is their responsibility to face their significantly lacking parenting of her if they care about her well being (now, if not before).

If this family member is expressing anger toward you and others as an inaccurate projection of her anger toward her real offenders, then you and any other have to protect yourselves against her misdirected anger.

* If she expresses her anger by name calling, yelling and other forms of violence, of course, she must stop those behaviors.

anita