Dear wildoceanflower:

What physical pain are you getting (and needing to walk to get rid of it)?

I hope you do not contact the ex. He is an ex, as in has been, past. He wasn’t right for you.. from your own accounts. The loneliness you are experiencing- accept it, make peace with it. It is better to accept it than to fight it. So you are lonely and sad. Be as calm as you can be while feeling lonely and sad.

If you come to peace with it, you will not do desperate things like contacting him. Or moving to the city when you are not ready. Or anything you may regret.

I happen to feel distressed myself, this very evening. All day, actually. I hardly slept last night, that must have a lot to do with it. I am practicing what I am suggesting to you right now. I am uncomfortable. I wish I didn’t feel the way I am feeling right now. But what can I do? If I fight how I feel, if I rush it to change, it will only make things worse.

You wrote that you feel that something has to break- how about bend a bit, not break. In other words, proceed slowly, mindfully. Be in the present and have your attention on every thing that you are doing. If you wash dishes, be focused on that. If you make the bed, focus on that task. Try to not think long term but one task, one moment, one hour at a time. And please take good care of yourself.

anita