Hi wildoceanflower

theres little I can add to the words of Anita however maybe I can provide a male orientated perspective to some of your thoughts.

Your ex is carrying his own emotional hang ups which prevents him from total open commitment   Whatever the reason it’s his issue and you are unable to help as your presence enables him to continue in his actions

I say this as somebody who has suppressed any emotion that made me feel vulnerable my whole life (also 50 by the way). Whilst I didn’t mistreat my ex’s I can look back and say I wish I had been more trusting to accept I could be loved.

I’m also single and would love to have that special someone to share with. The thing is I don’t currently have love for myself, I’m not happy within myself which isn’t something that is appealing to be around .

As easy as it sounds is as difficult as it is to achieve is don’t hide from the feelings. If you can be happy with yourself for no purpose other than self love….you will never feel alone

sorry for rambling … Keep Smiling 🙂