Anita I must say thank you again- you are the most support and helpful thinking that I feel I have ever received from online talking- I think even therapy. You are very good. I wish we could have a sit down. Truly. I bless you.
The restaurant— oh so much history-our family was known for it but not just that. So many memories of my Dad, his political friends, he would always introduce me to important men that he chatted with at the restaurant when I was there. He did make me feel special. One therapist did make a point that perhaps I had put my brother in my Dad’s place after a fashion, sort of, subliminally. Perhaps I did. But he was the closest to me in age, we were always close growing up, he took me on car rides before I got my license etc. We used to hang, you know. I always idealized him kind of like Dad. I know things change but I never thought his love for me would. We havent had words or anything, except our differences about things he did with the property/money issues which is on him. He changed. He is in a religion called The Way-they have to take a class called “Power for Abundant Living”. Ha. It sure worked for him. He believes so differently than the average person about God, Jesus, Heaven etc. Im off topic-sorry.
The restaurant has meant alot to the people in my town, people from afar. But its history now. My brother is pretty involved with the guy he sold it to, the name stayed the same. Ironic, the new owner’s last name is the same as ours! I say he is my brothers new brother!
As far as therapy, I don’t know if it has helped alot over the years. I got treatment for me so I could survive in this marriage. Anxiety, moods. Structure for the family, 2 kids. I wanted to try and get it right for them. Hubby never held back the argueing even in front of them, I would ask him not to argue in front of them but he wouldn’t listen. When my son was 3, I remember so well, hubby fussed me out, was so mean, went upstairs, I was crying at the table, my 3 year old son says, Mommy don’t cry. He is now 34. He was suicidal in 2012. He came home, I-we got him better. My son did alot of the work of course. He was on the streets of Philly crying, didn’t know what to do. He was cutting, I can’t remember all of the details now.
He seems fine now. Broke off an engagement at that time, he’s with another girl now. He is an awesome son. My 37 year old daughter is a nurse, married, is doing well. I guess we had some success with them. Neither wants any kids. I find that interesting.
I am coming to grips with how my brother is. Letting him go even tho it hurts. I just don’t understand. He sees my brother. I guess thats brothers. I just wish my life wasn’t so miserable. I don’t know how to change it. Yes, its a beautiful day, in NC. My kids are doing good at the moment. Thankfully. Things could be alot worse I guess.
I do thank you again for listening Anita. I think Ill go to the gym today as I have put on 5 lbs.
Pat