Dear Carrie:

You are welcome.

You mentioned “stubborn self sabotage” in your title. I don’t see your experience in the new city as such. I think you panicked:

a child needs reasonable limits. It is a necessary need, not optional. There is safety in limits, and safety for mental well being is necessary. A child can relax when knowing the limits, but without limits, the child is fearful, confused, lost.

You were not given limits as a child, not adequately. So you grew up anxious. When your life is scheduled, you have a job, a relationship, your life is a certain way and you expect it to be the same the next day, that promotes a sense of safety. When you experience a life-circumstances change, like leaving the job, the place you lived and having that “180 degrees change”- the anxiety spiked and you froze (shrank, withdrew), like animals do when overwhelmed with anxiety.

What do you think?

anita