Hi wildoceanflower, that sounds hard!  You don’t feel like yourself, you feel irrational/panicky/desperate/stupid.

My suggestion?  See a therapist.  (You don’t have to have a mental illness – personally I suffered from being a human, being hurt and trying to think my feelings rather than feel them, being afraid, not knowing how to move forward).  It was amazing.  It was this safe space where she would accept me as a human being no matter what I said.  It was beautiful to be so well understood and accepted.  I learned that therapists do say “How does that make you feel” because that’s an important question!  Therapy was exactly what I needed, and somehow I became myself again.

(I just noticed that you said in a later post that you are slowly letting it go…. awesome.  that’s what would happen in therapy too.  I suppose I’m a little late replying to this thread, and i hope things are getting better!)