Dear Kayla:

The two of you are managing your individual anxieties in different ways: he does the impulsive outside activities, rock climbing and such, and you take your alone time.

I highly recommend that you make your studies, internship and general life responsibilities your highest priority, and the relationship- a lower priority. Reason: your career is likely to give you a good return on your investment. On the other hand, your boyfriend is likely to not be satisfied no matter how hard you further try to accommodate him, and therefore the return on your investment is likely to be poor or none.

His dissatisfaction with you not taking initiatives to do things together is unreasonable, as you explained it.

I don’t understand why he wants you to join activities when there are other people that are already there with him, doing the activity with him. He needs those physical activities to calm his anxiety, “to stay ‘sane'” as he told you. Why drag you with him…?

And this is the problem: he needs to take responsibility for his anxiety- these activities he is taking upon himself is for his benefit, the way that works for him, to manage his anxiety. You have your anxiety to manage YOUR way. He has his way, you have your way. The two of you need to respect each other’s way and not impose one’s way on the other. Seems like he is doing the imposing (“authoritative in his communication style”).

What do you think so far?

anita