Dear Sonatina:

I think that your boyfriend is able to be “very helpful… supportive… treats (you) well” because he is not talking more than he does, because he says “fine” and nothing else when you ask him how he feels.

If he focused on how he feels, he would be troubled and turn inward, and so, he may not be available to  be helpful to you, to be supportive and to treat you well.

I understand your need for deeper communication with him, but if you explained your need to him as clearly as you explained it here, and he refuses to make a change, then it is probably because it is very uncomfortable for him to make that kind of change. When a person is very uncomfortable making a change, a person often doesn’t.

“I am fine”- it is a deflection technique: you send a question in his direction and he sends it back quickly, without processing it.

Did you explain to him your needs as clearly as you explained it here… and repeatedly?

anita