Dear Mia:

As to your very last post: you listed four  areas that affected you a lot, as a child: observing your parents fight, observing the unhealthy dynamics of their marriage, your mother’s  inappropriate sharing with you, and overzealous religion.

As to your previous, recent posts: by “competent” psychotherapy I was referring to the adjective “competent,” definition: having the necessary ability, knowledge, skill to do something successfully.
Not all psychotherapists are competent. A diploma, a certificate, does not equal competency.

I don’t think your mother is unusual. More mothers than not do not do a good job, unfortunately. They suffer in their childhoods and … they pass it on, the suffering, that is. And this passing of the suffering is business as usual in the world of parenting. Again, unfortunately.

One more observation on my part regarding one of your recent posts: when you were a young child, physically you were a separate person from your mother, but mentally you were one. You naturally identified with her. So when she shared with you about her marriage, and following her sharing, you made observations about your father and his relating to her, it was like you were married to him.

Because of the lack of mental/ emotional separation from your mother, it is as if you were married to your father and are carrying that experience with you.

anita