Dear Mia:

You may or may not believe, deep inside, that for as long as your mother is unloved, neither should you.

What you are clear about is that you wanted your father to love your mother, that you felt for your mother deeply, that you felt her pain, that you “desperately wanted her to feel happy and loved.”

In your original post you wrote: “To be honest, in my ‘gut’ I have always felt like ‘finding someone’ is not in the cards for me. Maybe I really deep-down don’t want to be in a relationship”-

Since humans, through many years of evolution are designed to be social, to want to be in relationships, the thought that maybe you “deep down don’t want to be in a relationship” leads me to think that such a .. counter evolutionary lack-of-want, coupled with your “Forever Single (in late 30’s)” history, may be an indication of such an early decision.

But maybe not. If you don’t feel this is true, then it may very well not be true.

In that link you posted on the first page, it reads: “The ability to grieve and gradually accept trauma could also increase the likelihood of growth”- I am thinking of your mother feeling unloved, that repeating message to you that she is unloved, as your trauma, since a child is not emotionally separated from her mother.

If I come up with thoughts of this latest point here, I will post again.

Post anytime.

anita