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Thanks Anita!
You may or may not believe, deep inside, that for as long as your mother is unloved, neither should you.
Hmmm, it’s really hard for me to know how I feel. I think she is loved now. I think she has more compassion for herself now as well. I am starting to feel the same way about myself. I know this because I am starting to myself first a bit more than I am used to. I was and am a “people pleaser” and I realise it’s because I don’t really love myself too much or really knew who I am. I don’t think I ever loved myself very much and did destructive things to hurt myself or beat myself up. I think I am starting to realise that, and I am trying very hard to be more loving to myself and realising I am not that bad of a person. Having said that, I do worry that I would screw-up any decent guy that came into my life inadvertently by not realizing all my issues and what I might project on to them without me realising it. Even just reading these forum threads have made me realise we as humans can do things on such an unconscious level that we just have no clue we are doing.
Since humans, through many years of evolution are designed to be social, to want to be in relationships, the thought that maybe you “deep down don’t want to be in a relationship” leads me to think that such a .. counter evolutionary lack-of-want, coupled with your “Forever Single (in late 30’s)” history, may be an indication of such an early decision.
Are you clarify what you mean by this? I am a bit confused about the “history, may be an indication of such an early decision”.
Thanks for all your advice 🙂