Dear Jennifer:

Congratulations for taking the steps that you took.

You are struggling with fear. In your first thread you wrote about “a pattern, I’ve historically been a ‘runner’. I’ve run from jobs, friendships, responsibility, and myself”- that is what we do when we are afraid: run (or fight), and soon enough, often, freeze, get paralyzed (which in your situation would mean staying in the job that you dislike).

To not run, you have to stay with this fear, stay as in enduring it best you can and not reacting to it in ways that are against your self interest. To endure it, you may want to adopt daily exercise into your routine, a walk per day.. distract yourself in other healthy way (relaxing music, guided meditation, etc.)- whenever you feel overwhelmed, get up and so something- a yoga stretch, make yourself hot tea, something.

This is your opportunity to handle your fear better. Of course, it would have been preferable if you didn’t feel fear at all, if you were calm and comfortable. If you had that option, I have no doubt, you would take it. I would!

You wrote that your biggest fear is letting your mother down: did this fear exist before she got sick?

You wrote about your mother: “She raised me to be independent, never needing to lean on or trust in another. It is unfortunate because her childhood demanded that, but mine didn’t.”- I didn’t understand the second sentence, can you explain? Also, if she raised you to be independent and confident in your capabilities to succeed in your endeavors, where did she fail?

anita