Dear Jennifer:

My understanding (and correct me where I misunderstand) is that you feel trapped, boxed in, in your current job. Your fear is about leaving and suffering financial damage, correct? Even though you saved money to sustain you for a while, you are still afraid of financial lack.

Your mother was unhappily married to your father. She stayed married to him for a long time because she couldn’t afford a divorce. They didn’t have much money but she spent more than they had, or more than your father was comfortable with. They voiced their financial concerns out loud so you heard those, or they shared it directly to you by telling you about it, in detail. As a result, as a child, you were afraid. Afraid that you will lose the only home you had (the house and parents in it).

While your mother shared with you (or out loud so you heard) about how they don’t have enough money, she also told you that you should make sure that you have enough money when you grow up. She also often pointed out how things you were interested in may fail.

From growing up with your parents, with your mother’s teaching, you learned three teachings:

1. (Any) financial lack is disastrous and must be avoided at all costs (the ongoing fear to lose home).

2. Being “trapped” or boxed in is unbearable (strong empathy for your mother who wanted out of an unhappy marriage).

3. Choices you make have disastrous consequences, or are likely to have such, bringing about financial lack and/ or being trapped.

As a result of these teachings you used to run, run, run (to avoid entrapment), felt great distress when not running in relationships or jobs, feared making choices, overwhelmed by the perceived too-heavy-to-carry weight of the consequences.

Am I understanding correctly? And can you tell me more about your guilt regarding your mother; what is it about?

anita