Dear Poppyxo:

You wrote: “before I have steered and sped things up with a guy without him actually having to do anything”- that was extreme, you doing ALL the work while he did none. And so, like you wrote, it is about “finding the middle ground”.

It is also about not micro-managing the plans for a future date.

What I would do, if I was you, would be to let him know I am interested in a future date, soon enough. Sure, I wouldn’t bombard him with messages regarding this, but respond to him with your honest interest. Do not appear disinterested or neutral (that would be dishonest, playing games, as you called it).

On the other hand, I wouldn’t suggest where to go, when, how (micro- manage), so to communicate with him that seeing him again, spending more time with him, is what is important to you, not the location, the events you attend (not at this point anyway, not at the very start of a relationship).

anita