Anita,

Regarding whether I’m more distressed about cleanliness or the noise level in the apartment, I would say that those two things are the most important factors in living comfortably with my roommate. When my roommates aren’t clean, I view them as inconsiderate and disrespectful and it makes me think that THEY think I’m ‘lesser’ or ‘unimportant’ to them. The combination of all these feelings makes my anxiety go haywire and also makes me have a negative attitude towards them. So, I would say that cleanliness and low noise levels equally contribute to me being stress-free.

I usually have a hard time with being assertive for fear of being disliked (something I know I need to work on), but with this new roommate, I’m willing to risk that in order to live comfortably. I will try to do what you said and hopefully all goes well!

As for when this originated, I’m pretty sure it stems from when I was in high school. My older brother whose bedroom was adjacent to mine had mini-parties in his bedroom till the early hours of the morning. He and I didn’t have a close relationship and I always felt awkward about confronting him about the noise and people. Eventually he went to college and I didn’t have to deal with it anymore. Now looking back on it, I’m amazed how issues like this surface up later in your life in a different way…