Dear Sam:

I re-studied your posts on this thread. I understand you have abandonment issues (“I have abandonment issues from my mom dying. I am terrified of being left.”) and it makes sense: child’s attachment to the mother is very intense, naturally.

What I am looking at, at this point, is you giving yourself such a hard time for getting attached to a man who is not a good candidate for a romantic relationship (like the co worker this thread is about). Look at all the negative criticism you extend toward yourself (quotes and my paraphrasing them):

“I knew it was a bad idea but I gave it (your phone number) to him anyway” -I shouldn’t have given him my phone number!

“We’ve been talking and I’ve enjoyed it even though I know it isn’t going anywhere”- I shouldn’t have talked to him and I shouldn’t have enjoyed it!

“So I’m at the point where I’m thinking this whole thing was dumb”- I am dumb!

“I feel stupid that I’m upset about this”- I am stupid for being upset!

“I honestly feel like something is wrong with me”- there is something wrong with me!

“I get attached so quickly”- There is something wrong with me!

“I’ve been reading into everything. Which is stupid because I’m leaving I know”- I am stupid!

“I meet someone, I’m interested, it doesn’t work out when I knew it wasn’t”- I should know better!

“I know this isn’t healthy at all. And I know I have to stop this”- I need to stop doing what is wrong!

“What is wrong with me? How do I fix this?”- there is something wrong with me. I need to be fixed!

My question to you, putting aside your abandonment issues for now, what is the origin of this negative self criticism? When did it start and in what circumstances?

Also, if you’d  like to answer: can you describe your past/ current relationship with your father?

anita