Dear sunshinegirl80:

On the first night of the week of the wedding, ten years after you saw him last, you were physically intimate with him, but there was no talk between the two of you about a possible relationship. No talk during that week or the two months since, only “likes” on social media. In a week you will see him. You want to talk with him the possibility of a relationship, of getting to know each other better.

* I didn’t understand the relevance of the two of you living in separate towns, separated by province?

You are looking for advice about how to maintain calm about approaching him, how not to be anxious, correct?

My advice is that you visualize/ imagine now (before traveling)  seeing him, see yourself taking the steps to get his attention and talk to him about your interest. Then see him, in your imagination, saying that he is not interested. Hear him say that he is involved with another woman, or that he lives too far from you, or see him look awkward and speechless and never answer you the whole time you are there. Imagine all the failure options, all the no-go results.

Imagine those different options and take deep breaths as you do. Repeat to yourself that you are okay with each and every option, that although this is not what you want, you are at peace with it. Whenever you feel anxious, imagine one of those no-go options. Prepare yourself mentally, this way.

Once you are there, do what you imagined doing so many times before (you are practiced and prepared at this point), and execute the plan.

If it is a no-go, you are prepared. If it is a go, you are pleasantly surprised.

The reason I think it is better to take this pessimistic approach (preparing for a no-go) is because there is no indication that he is interested in a relationship. The fact that he is active on your social media is not evidence of his interest in a relationship. He may be simply friendly, and he may hope for more physical intimacy without a relationship. I don’t know.

Post again, if you’d like.

anita