Dear Littlerd:

In reality there are things we are helpless about, things we cannot change: national and international political and economic conditions, the weather, natural disasters.. who we are born to, what other people choose to do.

In reality, there are things we can change: how we spend some of the money we earn, who we choose to marry… to open the windows and let some cool air in, or not. And much more.

What you describe is “learned helplessness”- that is, you experience helplessness regarding things you CAN change, in situations you do have the potential power to change.

Learned helplessness happens in other animals who are capable of learning, not only in humans: when an animal or a person experiences adverse (harmful, unpleasant, distressing) circumstances, especially at a young age, and all of one’s efforts to change those circumstances fail, and this happens repeatedly, the animal/ person learns that they are incapable of changing adverse circumstances. Having learned that, the animal/ person no longer tries to change adverse circumstances, based on the strong belief that he/she will fail, and so, what would be the point of trying.

Often the adverse circumstances seem easy to fix, to a person from the outside looking in, but to the person suffering learned helplessness, it feels impossible to change.

When your parents gave away your toys, that was very distressing to you (adverse circumstance/situation). So, you tried to change that situation: you cried and otherwise expressed your distress, but failed (your parents kept giving away your toys). Then you hid your toys and failed again. You concluded: there is nothing I an do.

When you experience this helplessness, you accept the concept that you have to endure the distressing circumstance. To endure it, you “freeze”- as animals do when facing danger they cannot escape, experiencing minimal energy, just enough to survive with least awareness to the distress, as tired and spaced out as possible.

You asked: “how do I proceed?”-

1. Make the distinction between circumstances you cannot change and situations you can change.

2. In the situations you can change, take one step at a time changing it. You will build, over time, confidence in your ability to change adverse circumstances if you take the action. It will have to be taking the action even though you are discouraged, even though you don’t believe you can succeed, and even though you feel very tired, inattentive and “frozen”.

* Regarding the Law of Attraction and your situation:

you wrote: “I want a dress it would be available all the time, but once I go to buy, it will go out of stock.”-

the dress out of stock when you attempt to buy it, is not a result of a law of attraction. It is only your focus on your failure to get what you want that causes you to perceive this occurrence as somewhat intentional, as if “The Universe” has caused this to happen to you personally because of your thoughts. Dresses go out of stock regardless of anyone’s expectations, thoughts and feelings (other than the actual business people making and re-stocking these dresses).

Post again, anytime.

anita